06.11.2025

i practically died for two days and there was nothing on the other side
what am i supposed to do now

09.06.2025

tiled floors and walls covered in speckles of what was once inside her,
what brought colour to her cheeks and warmth to his bed

like red stars in a cold white sky,
constellations spell out secrets she couldn't tell

the things unheard and unseen by the world but never unknown by her
things so painfully real, she had to pretend they weren't

but what is she without the pain?
without scabs and bruises littering her body like words on a page,
written in haste by a lover, and then another, and another

13.06.2024

and so it rained for 40 days and 40 nights
it rained until the whole world flooded and i had no ground left to stand on
heaven could feel my pain and it showered me in it's understanding
god never told me to build an ark because there was no point
the weight of my solitude would have sunk the ship before it ever set sail

24.04.2024

one of the hardest things about hurting is that i want people to see, feel, know and understand my hurt but i can never put it into words the right way and i can’t express it without feeling ashamed

people say that to be loved is to be seen and i believe that but nobody truly sees me, they might glance my way every once in a while but even then i’m only a temporary fix before something else catches their eye and i start to disappear into myself again

i disappear into a place that is my own and always will be mine alone, the door locks from the inside and when i shut it behind me i swallow the key and the only way to get back out is if i gut myself

you begged me to come outside and you knew what that meant, you knew what i had to do to myself in order to make it happen and when that door finally opened and you saw what was behind it you couldn’t stand the sight

10.02.2024

as you phased me out of your life, i phased myself out of mine until there was nothing left of the girl i used to be.

23.01.2024

like i was a deer in headlights, you ran me over and left my entrails smeared in the aftermath of your touch
at first i couldn't even tell that i'd died, because it didn't hurt

it didn't hurt when you kept me secret,
because it meant i was yours to keep

it didn't even hurt when you pushed me away,
because i thought i knew you wouldn't really let me go

then i watched you hit another deer